THE TAKEOVER first impressions.

well since its going to take me a wile to shit out a review of the ne DEFTONES cd, i thought i would distract your laughably small mind with a first impression of an album with no mind of its own. heres....

usually i never let a bands odd name entrance me into laying down some not so hard earnded cash, but a cashire at our local hot topic enshured me "the takeover" by her demise my rise was one thing i have never heard befor. and she was right, its two things i have heard befor. her demise my rise strangly combines gruff metal vocals and meshuggah esc. guitar riffs with pop punk synthesised singing and keyboard. the closest (and wierdest) thing i can relate them to is "the red chord" meets "forever the sickest kids" (a new reality show on fox this fall). the reason this is a first impression rather than a full review is because im not really sure this band exists. I scowerd the internet and only found is some live pictures and some shirt designs. for all I know, HDMR could be made of chocolate klingons who have a grudge against hello kitty. if I had to pick a genre, I have to call them sludge metal (other examples of this is morgue supplier, murder death kill and dr. acula). but to be fair, some of the songs are ok. such as "take the crown", "truth be told", "southern" and "those nights". each of which flip between vocal stylings like a dolphin with alzimers. but is it a good album? I have absolutely no idea, part of me hates it for having almost no personality of its own, wile the other part likes how it caters to the un washed metal masses and the emo pop punk crowd. but then again i only paid $6 for it.

even though it combines two music styles (with the help of t. mills), they really dont sound different from any other metal band (only mixed with a healthy dose of punk). and im all for experimenting, and I hope to here more from this group, I i just wish they would pick a style and exel at it, insted of combining two different mediocre styles. but the screams are screamy and the pop is punky so if you like one or the other you might like "the takeover" by her demise my rise. and one last thing, wtf is with the name? I get the whole "girl hurts me now I want revenge" thing, but hasent that been done to death? heres a good name for a band "im sad, here me scream". there, and you wont get any letters from pissed feminist.

stop the slaughter! but crank up the volume!

well damn it all to the pits of pus spewing hell.

I was hoping to make a triumphant comeback with a shitty cd review. but alas all I have is a review of.......

"the dillinger escape plan" is one of my favorite bands of all time. with there harsh lyrics, frantic guitar riffs, and some times odd jazz sections. "option paralysis" is the long awaited sequil to "ire works" and has been one of the most anticipated metal albums of 2010. was it worth the wait? do you care? why dont girls like me?* all this and more............NOW!

*yes, probably not, anger issues.

moving on. after being delayed from febuary to april, the dillinger escape plan teased its fans by releasing a single of there new hit "farewell mona lisa", which I listend to more time than id like to admit. it was also nominated the best metal song (so far) of 2010 by skull and bones. so already fans were frothing at the mouth.(and other places. or was that just me?) anyway, the delay did not really upset me. I had there best song and I new the more time the album was in development, the better it would be. and I was right. according to myspace, the album was postponed to add some additional tracks the band didnt want to release as EPs the same year. and using the strange and mystical powers of RESERVING, I got this kick ass shirt.

damn thats sexy. so "option paralysis" finally came out and I was already listening to it driving home from the record store. first thing I noticed was the packaging.

what cd can you think of comes in such elaborate packaging. its kind of ironic because included with the cd was an enclosed letter from the dillinger escape plan talking about seals getting murderd for there fur and that we should "STOP THE SLAUGHTER" and join peta. im all for animal rights and what not, but how many trees did they have to cut down to make the cd case?

so I listend to it for a good week or so and I found it to be really quite enjoyable. however, its not the huge step forward revolver magazine claimed. no, it was more a repeat of ire works and kind of a thank you to the fans. dont get me wrong the songs are really good, but if you were not a fan before "option paralysis", you probably wont be a fan after. and though it is a huge improvement over "ire works", its still not as good as "miss machine". but there is a lot to love about "option paralysis". namely the best song on the album (besides "farewell mona lisa") "chinese whispers". which is hands down the catchiest metal song I have ever heard. seriously, I could not get the guitar riffs out of my head for weeks. some other notable tracks would be the ear shattering screams of "crystal morning", the paraniod "room full of eyes", and the spine chilling "parasitic twins". and though I understand the complicated meanings of each song, the song "gold teeth on a bum" still confuses me. well you cant win em all.

so the bottom line is, if you love the dillinger escape plan, its a must have. if you dont really know them that well, listen to "ire works" or the sublime "miss machine". as I said, it wont convert any haters, but it is a breath of fresh air for anyone craving some good screamo. also, $5 of each cd sold goes to peta. so its kind of like your saving the planet. WHERES MY NOBEL PEACE PRIZE!?

I give it an 8.5 out of 10 and recomend it to anyone who likes the enviroment but hates falling in love with a girl who takes you for granted and leaves you (which is what most of there songs are about).

I should also mention they are headlining at warped tour this year along with... every time i die? wierd.

someone bioshocked my computer

After beating Bioshock 2 for the second time, I tried to play again on hard mode, only be told by my xbox live account that the game needed to update. So I said sure, update because otherwise I can't log into my xbox live account and save my pc game when playing by myself. The update couldn't download for some mysterious reason that I could not discern. I wouldn't be able to save, but the game had a fatal error and crashed, so that didn't matter. I tried several times, fatal error, go to microsoft's support website, follow the instructions, no change. I wanted to play on hard mode before reviewing the game, but I guess Bill Gates doesn't want me to.

I'm against this whole vita chambers thing, so I turned vita chambers off and, remembering how many times I used them when playing Bioshcok 1, decided to play on easy. After the game repeatedly told me I couldn't carry any more of that ammo for the weapon you are so inefficiently using right now, I decided to switch to medium and was only challenged by a fight with a big sister late in the game. My second play through, when I saved the little sisters and got less ADAM, I was told on several occasions that my wallet was full, so I brought a bunch antipersonnel rounds for my machine gun and used my shot gun anyways. I did die on the second level when I tried to use my drill against three enemies, despite what logic told me to do.

Which brings me to another point: If I'm a big daddy, why can three splicers kill me? In the beginning cinematic, you see yourself (see, not do, uno0frtunately) killing three splicers. But you can't do that yourself until you get some ADAM and visit a few power to the people stations. Then again, the other big daddies are also weaker, and rarely posed a threat to me. I guess the splicers just got a lot stronger in the ten years since Bioshock 1.

And then there's the storyline. I was never quite sure why the villain was so villainous. Sure, she wanted to kill me, but I was trying to crush her hopes and dreams for my own survival. So she brainwashed a few people. It's not her fault they were so easy to brainwash. And besides, they're happy now! If I hadn't killed them, they could have a good life. Which is really the biggest way Bioshock 2's atmosphere fails in comparison to Bioshock 1. I once read an article by an objectivist saying capitalism encourages the artist to succeed and thought, "Sander Cohens! What a factoring sellout!" That article might have actually convinced me objectivism was right if I hadn't played Bioshock 1. But when I killed a religious man in Bioshock 2, I said, "You know, religion decreases the suicide rate. Maybe I shouldn't have done that." The endings also felt like a repeat of Bioshock 1's endings, although I could've sworn the good ending was encouraging objectivism.

But the gameplay improved! Even if the difficulty pacing hasn't changed and you never feel like a big daddy until the end, there were some good moments. The first time I killed a big sister, I realized I had had fun in the process. The game only gets better as you go on, as now plasmids actually have different effects as they upgrade. You actually feel powerful, which, normally, being a Contra fan who doesn't understand why a developer would make their game easy, I would consider a bad thing. but Bioshock 2 did it right! Burn everything! Torment them with insects! Shotgun massacre!

The big daddies also get new attacks, and the big sisters remain awesome throughout the game. In short, the enemy design improved. Near the end, there was even one fun atmospheric level where you get to play as a little sister. It was a factoring piece of genius, I tell you! Not as good as anything in Bioshock 1, but still amazing!

Is Bioshock 2 as good as Bioshock 1? No. Is Bioshock 1 the greatest game ever? Yes. Is it fair to fault a game for not being as good as the greatest game ever? No! No it is not! So leave Bioshock 2 alone except, of course, so you can play it.

I really need to get better at coming up with titles for these

After months of work (or slacking off, depending on how fixated with the truth you are), I have finally come close to finishing but close enough that I'll publish it online: Dead Survivor (you come up with a better title)!

And here's the link!

I can steal the stars and put them back again

If any sane man on this Earth is weirder than Tim Burton, I'm not sure how'll I'll face reality again. To me, the possibility of anyone being more eccentric than him is just so out there it can't possibly be true. But, after going to the movies this weekend, I think I discovered someone stranger than Tim Burton: Tim Burton's future self!

Making yet another movie based off of a children's story I've never read, Mr. Burton has transcended the realm of weird with Alice in Wonderland. It didn't start that; I saw the intro and figured I knew how the movie would end. And I did. But I had no clue what would happen in between. Whitch confused me. When I watched Avatar, I knew how the whole movie would go. But Alice in Wonderland is the first movie I've watched where I've been able to figure out the ending but nothing else. And this was a major disadvantage to the movie; the ending felt extremely cliche and lame compared to the rest of the movie. I left dissatisfied at the end of the journey, but I guess i had some good times along the way, so i can't complain.

The intro, while doing too good a job of foreshadowing the ending, was otherwise well done. Alice is a bit stereotypical in terms of being a rebel, but she's a rebel with a cause, and that's all I need since so few people forget that part and end up with inhuman abominations that seem as amoral as the villains they fight. It does a good job of setting up the tone of the movie without making me feel bored.

Then the middle. At first, the special effects seem slipshod, but then you realize they fit the style of the movie. The Red Queen is a well-characterized villain who adds yet more messages to the movie (don't abuse animals) and is quite entertaining. I don't think I ever actually laughed, but the silly emnating from the Red Queen ensured I wasn't bored. Other characters provided some variety to the entertainment, but, sadly, it was only ever entertainment. The movie was never really great, even if all the parts worked well together. I'm also not sure I ever had a good factoring idea what was going on. Which, again, fit the movie, but I'd have liked a little more to understand.

And then the movie started to deteriorate. The message devolves into a cliche that I could've written myself in an afternoon, and a new quote is tacked on that angered me. I forget the exact wording, but Alice is told she can't live her life for other people. See, this is why only philosophy majors should be allowed to put messages in movies. I've never taken a philosophy class in my life, and I know that that is the logix used to justify not helping poor people. NOT THE KIND OF THING YOU WANT TO SAY IN THIS ECONOMY! "I'm sad because I'm unemployed!" "Go watch Alice in Wonderland. That'll cheer you up." Get it? Because the movie encourages not helping poor people!

If you ignore the last half hour of the movie, Alice in Wonderland is an enjoyable way to spend a Saturday afternoon. While not a masterpiece, at least you'll have another way to pretend you like spending time with your friends. It won't be mentioned at the Oscars, but it will be mentioned by your peers this Monday.

Surprise Zombie Attack

Yet another undeserving game has reached the rank of highest rated on kongregate. That fail would be infectionater: World Domination Edition! I'm too ashamed of kongregate to do a full review, but the main fun of the game is watching random villagers get mauled by zombies, but you can't fully enjoy this because the game insists you occupy yourself dragging the mouse around the screen toward the biggest pile of money. Then there's the upgrade system, which becomes irrelevant after a while because the game doesn't get much harder, levels simply get more longer. Which, when you've got a zombie army that replenishes itself by killing things, doesn't mean anything. I got the upgrade that allowed me to deploy my virus three times, but found I only had to do it once. But, if you like level grinding...

WITCHES...WITCHES....WITCHES

so, sorry about not updating in a wile, I have been spending my time listening to one of the greatest cd ever......

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... no

heres my review of.... EVERY TIME I DIE

NEW JUNK AESTHETICS (BONUS TRACK EDITION)

this buffalo based metalcore group was founded in 1998 by brothers keith (vocals) and jordon buckley (guitar). now often seen touring with killwitch engaged, these metal core gods made one of the best screamo albums I have ever heard. i came across this group wile driving to the local whore house and listening to XM LIQUID METAL!!!!!. they were playing the best of ETID. this peeked my intresset, so I went home and downloaded new junk aesthetics (by far there best album).

this album has been praised by other internet music critics as being the turning point for new age metal, so my expectations were higher than ellen degeneras on vicadan. and I have to say they were right. almost.

so I started listening and new junk aesthetics doesnt mess around. its starts by playing "roman holiday" which hits you in the spine and curbstomps your eardrums. in a good way. and it only continued the awsomeness with the songs "wanderlust", "white smoke", and "turtles all the way". yeah. it also ends with one of the most over the top end sequence (if you bought the non- bonus edition) with the frantic playing of "the sweet life". the only way I can describe it is by comparing it to the end of a song from the game rock band that ends with the band members randomly hitting notes until the finale. some songs however, sound as though they just felt like screaming into a microphone for 1:54 minutes and calling it a song. but the rest of it is so good its definatly worth your worthless time.

I have been hoping they come to ohio (or any where in that vicinite) because I hear there great live. or dead...... because they die...... every time. LIQUID METAL!!!!!

I GIVE THEEE... A 9 OUT OF 10.