Adam Gontier is the light, foo!

Yes, I do have better ears than you. I can tell you how zetta good a band is live before I see them. I could've told you that switchfoot isn't any zetta better live (well, maybe a little better) without ever seeing them live. Also, switchfoot's drummer doesn't do his solos on a sideways platform that is spinning. I'd definitely take a drummer who does his solos on a sideways platform that is spinning over the magnum. But not over a magic hand that shoots bees. Unless, of course, this drummer was secretly three people. Then I'd zetta take it.

But, in response to a zetta inflammatory comment you just made, I shall review...


A band whose lyrics are not preachy, but perhaps zetta subliminal since apparently I'm the only man on this Earth who can figure out what each song means by himself. Hint: Re-education Through Labor is called Re-education Through Labor. Now you don't actually have to listen to the song to figure out what its message is.

The main message of the lyrics of Rise Against songs goes something like, "Nihilism factors everything!" Seeing as nihilism is often associated with zetta despair, I don't see why anyone thinks they are preachy. Did you know that if you cut off all your limbs, you'll bleed to death? Do I sound preachy? The lyrics are actually quite intriguing if you don't convince yourself that all political bands are preachy ahead of time. You don't have to cut off your left arm. No one will hold it against you. Except for factoring hectopascals that no one likes. Now stop giving me me that digit about Rise Against being preachy. You want preachy? Go look up Silent Civilian lyrics.

As for the actual music, Rise Against does pretty good. If hardcore punk rock/emo/whatever they classify Rise Against as now is your thing, Appeal to Reason (and all the other Rise Against albums so far) is not something you want to pass by. Compared to their other albums, their variety on this one is poor. Which isn't saying much. Rise Against has always had a lot of variety, this album just doesn't show that as well as their others.

The singing is a definite weakpoint of the album. I've never been a fan of Tim Mcllrath's (now try to pronounce Mcllrath) singing, although, to be fair, he has improved ever so slightly on this album. Maybe punk rock singing just isn't my cup of tea, but I can certainly name some punk rock bands that have better vocalists. Mcllrath is trying, but he simply doesn't have the voice it takes for me to say he's a good singer.

Overall? It's zetta great! Buy it, unless you're not a Rise Against fan, in which case you should buy Siren Song of the Counter Culture. Also, Islam is the light. I assume that's why it's so hot in the middle east. So, you see, Bush was doing a good job of stopping global warming. He completely ignored science and went for common sense instead, allowing him to function at the level of a caveman.