I really need to review more bad games

Only reviewing good games would be zetta dull!I present to thee the first negative review... a review of left 4 dead!

Some of you are probably outraged by that statement, seeing as left 4 dead has gotten good reviews. Well, I've got some news for you! Attention all tasteless tetrahedra! Left 4 dead sucks! Just look at that title! When I first saw it, my first thought was, "Were the first three left for dead games good?" But this is the first left 4 dead game! They put a number in the title of the first game! They're trying to mislead you about whether or not this is the first game in the series, just like how they're trying to mislead you about whether or not this is a good game by mind controlling the reviewers, which is no surprise since it's for the conformist box 360!

The point of left 4 dead was to make co-op much more interesting than it is in other games. I already had my doubts about the quality of the game at that time, but I decided to let Raam talk me into playing it anyways. Why? Because it's by valve, the zetta esteemed creators of portal. If they can make a game as well-crafted as portal, then they should be able to make good co-op.

Valve was on the right track. Many enemies have the ability to pin you or strangle you, and only your allies can do anything about it. So you'd think that this would lead to fun co-op, but it doesn't. In short, left 4 dead suffers from the most severe case of bioshock syndrome* I have ever seen. If insomniac games had worked with valve on left 4 dead, we might've had a pretty zetta good game here, but we don't. The weapon selection is dull, the enemy types are repetitive (unless you've been living in the doom era for the past three years), and despite the game's claims to be varied, it simply isn't. As the previously hinted at resistance 2 has shown us, good co-op will never suffer from bioshock syndrome.* As it is, pretty much everyone will pick up a med pack when they see one, the lack of any prolific differences between weapons means everyone will have the same role in combat, and the lack of variety in enemies means that's okay.

The saddest part is that the game gives you enough variety to show you what it could've been if it added in more content. When you or an ally gets pinned by an enemy, or when a boomer sicks the horde on you, that's at least slightly entertaining. But when that's not happening, everything falls short of average. Because of this, the higher difficulties do make the game funner, but not by enough for me to care.

Overall? It zetta sucks! Don't buy it! I hear the expansion pack will add more content, so Raam will probably talk me into seeing if that saves the game, but seriously, it sucks! If you want good co-op, go play resistance 2, or even resistanceL fall of man, that had pretty good co-op. Don't waste moneyz on left 4 dead. You only like it because the reviewers have used their voodoo conformism magic on you! Resist it! Resist it, you hectopascal!

*When a game is a good idea but is held back by an overall lack of content.