Stress Relief

Now I'm in a slipknot mood again. I feel like reviewing something bad. But if I reviewed something bad that I expected to be bad, that would be zetta dull, so I think I'll review something I expected to like instead.

Now, what would I want to like that I would hate? The album Strictly Diesel, by Spineshank. Now, I have a long history with Spineshank, which is why I just downloaded this album a month ago even though it came out in 1998. The first Spineshank song I ever heard was Consumed (Obsessive Compulsive), which I absolutely positively liked, but pretty much everything else Spineshank had no appeal to me. Why? because back then, I was a metalcorist, not a metalhead. Which didn't make sense to 98% of you. In short, not all of the members of Spineshank liked Spineshank's sound during the writing of Self-Destructive pattern, so they band members kept getting into fights and vocalist Jonny Santos left to form a metalcore band named Silent Civilian, so back when I thought metalcore was the greatest thing ever, Silent Civilian was my favorite band. But then, I became much less outgoing, which is apparently a character trait of metalheads. Once I realized that this change in musical taste had occurred, I decided to give Spineshank another go. The Height of Callousness was such a zetta good album that I spit on Raam for being a factoring hectopascal passing up an opportunity to buy it for a mere $5.

And then I decided to buy Strictly Diesel. Spineshank's first album, I didn't see how the peoples behind The Height of Callousness could make a bad album. The answer is because they had no idea what they should sound like at the time and ended up like the Beatles if they were metal. Don't believe me? They covered While My Guitar Gently Weeps.

Now, I'm a big fan of Santos' singing, so I have no idea how he managed to be so crappy in Strictly Diesel. He hardly sounds like he's singing; I'd describe it more of as humming while talking and muttering to yourself than actual singing. Don't get me wrong, when he's actual being loud and out there, he sounds good, but still not nearly as good as he did on his other albums.

Which pretty much sums up the entire album. The better songs sound a bit like the Spineshank I know, and the other songs sound like the previously mentioned Beatles-metal. The guitar riffs aren't much to speak of, although Spineshank fanboys won;t mind speaking about them when they sound more like that actually good band. Let's be honest; Spineshank was trying to find their sound here. Why anyone decided to publish this experimental album is beyond me.

I was about to, at the very least, commend the lyrics, but then I remembered that this album has the worst lyrics of all three Spineshank albums. The lyrics are certainly above average, but see if I care! At least they didn't say, "Come eat some chemicals with me," a single time. Also, their cover of While my Guitar Gently weeps is the best song on the album.

Overall? This album is garbage! CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap! And then pour diesel on the heap! And throw a lit match at it! And Laugh! Maniacally! And then I'll listen to New Disease and Smothered and Synthetic and Consumed and every Spineshank song not on Strictly Diesel! Because Strictly Diesel sucks! Beyond normal suck! If you see it in the store, pretend you didn't, because Spineshank cannot write an album this bad, so the mere fact that you saw it is proof that you're crazy. This is obviously an attempt by aliens to convince us that Spineshank is a bad band for some sinister reason. Bad! Bad! Bad!

But yes, still better than Fallout Boy.

Not really, at least Fallout Boy has This Ain't a Scene.